Hello, It's Me....

It's 2011... and the first day of the beginning of the rest of my life.  My son leaves for his new job today.  I'll be alone, with my thoughts, for the very first time in 22 years.  A little scary, but definitely exciting!  I have thought a lot lately about how things have gone for me for the past ten years.  I don't like it.  I am no longer me.  I have changed to become what others around me want me to be.  And with each change, slowly, I have lost the real me.  I'll bet none of these people know that I love to sew and make quilts, I love to crochet and knit, some of them know that I love to garden...  No, what they know of me is that I party with the best of them, hate mornings, can be really grouchy, and will give generously to a fault.  I'm 5'0" and I weigh 167 lbs.  That is what this lifestyle has done to me.  At my best, I'm (still) 5'0" but I only weigh 105 lbs.  Ok, that was at age 17, but even after having both of my babies, I got back down to 122 lbs. and I WAS HAPPY!  Even weight not withstanding, back then I laughed, cried, smiled, slept, loved and trusted.  Now, I do none of that.  I don't show my emotions to anybody because every time that I have in the past 10 years, somehow they've used it against me or taken advantage of me in one way or another.  So now I rarely go out, I never let anyone in and I don't trust anyone... not even myself.  Why not myself?  Because it was my own bad decision making that got me where I am right now.  So, I plan to take this year and get back to being me!  The person who loves all things nature, and all things creative.  I may even learn how to paint with water-colors and oils this year.  I'm definitely going to visit my old friends...  the ones who I always knew I could trust.  I'm going to get back to my exercising that I used to LOVE... thinking about trying that new Zumba craze (I hear good things about it).  Join me on my journey (we'll take it one step at a time together) ......