Listening to music and dancing... YES ALL BY MYSELF... in my kitchen

I am LOVING my new attitude.  Every day I'm feeling more and more like my old self.  I've only lost like 8 lbs. since starting this, but I've lost a TON of old baggage so I feel loads lighter.  So, in reality, I've lost 130 lbs.  At least that's what he claims he weighed, but I'm saying it's more like 120 (he was a little guy... in every way!!!!) It's another beautiful day outside here in sunny Florida, so I will be going outside to plant some Nicotiana, some mixed Canna seeds, some Lemon Queen sunflower seeds, Mexican Bird of Paradise, some Hollyhocks and some Morning Glories.  I have to get on the 'net and look up how tall all of them get first so I know where I want to plant them.  Except the morning glories, I know just where those are going.... right around the base of the one and only tree in my yard because they will climb clear to the top.  The hummingbirds love that. Can't wait to get my feeders out in a couple of days.  So, I'm loving this new site that my son (thanks, Raymond) found for me to pull music off of...  BearShare....  awesome site, free but LEGAL.  You should check it out if you enjoy music like I do.  Well, all, have a great day and I will be back later!!!

This SO describes how I feel....

"When it's good, then it's good...
it's so good, until it goes bad...
Til you try to find the you that you once had.
I've heard myself say "never again",
Broken down in agony,
just trying to find a friend."
                      Pink... from the song "Sober"

My idea of a perfect day...

Well, that was just wonderful.  I worked out in the yard most of the day.  Played on the computer a little bit.  Chatted with an old friend who I miss dearly.  I got my Hibiscus planted, and she is happy about that. (I refer to all of my flowering plants as "her"...  my cacti and trees are "him"... one of my many quirks).  Nothing like a hard days work in the yard to tone up the muscles naturally!  I love it!  And, soon, I'll be rewarded by the beauty of color in my yard.  Next week, I'm putting out the bird feeders.  Usually leave them up year round, but I moved so many times this year that I didn't bother putting them out at the last place (knew I wouldn't be there long... it was the ex's place, and HE'S the reason I moved so many times this year.  Oh well, live and learn)...  Anywho.... loving my yard and loving that I'm feeling "me" returning!
Now, I'm gonna crank up MY music (now that I'm not bound by what someone else wanted to listen to...), read my Sunday paper and cut my coupons out!!!  Yep, she (meaning, me) is coming back!!!

'Til tomorrow, enjoy this photo of some of the Crocus bulbs I have planted and that are starting to come up already (the pic shows them last year in full bloom)....

What a beautiful day....

Well, it is just gorgeous outside today.  One of the reasons I moved from Michigan to Florida was to escape the cold weather.  Today, with it being sunny and 72 degrees in January, is proof that I did the right thing!  My day is going to be full of something that I love.... yard work and gardening!!!  Have to prepare the ground, as we are able to start planting certain vegetables and flowers around mid to late February around here.  I usually start everything indoors until mid March though.  All that yard work will have my muscles feeling good later, and even better tomorrow!  Have decided for sure, due to late night infomercials, to try out Zumba fitness.  I'm going to order the DVD series off www.Zumba.com.  I am so excited about the day today... I can't wait to get out in my yard!!  I'll post more later.

Til then....

A little inspiration/reward for myself....

Today has been a good day.  I went for a walk to make myself get out of the house.  I bought myself this little inspirational gift (see photo). It's both an inspiration and a little reward for going for a walk by myself.  Usually, I would make my son go with me so I don't get anxious, but he's not here anymore and I have to rely on myself. If I'm to locate the real me inside of this person I've become, I need to draw upon the strength and confidence I once had, that I know is still in there somewhere....

It says:  Dance as if no one is watching
             Sing as if no one is listening
             Live each day as if it were your last

Isn't that pretty?  Of course, I don't know that I'd do that last one.  There are two people in particular that I would REALLY like to get even with and if I knew today were my last day, oh boy could I do some damage.......

Maybe I should have said "one DAY at a time"....

*Big sigh*....  ok, now what?  I'm so used to doing the same old thing everyday and not enjoying myself that I don't know where to start first.  I guess I should start by cleaning up all the old clutter to make room for the sparling new everything, including me.  Alright, even that task sounds daunting...  How about just one room at a time, one step at a time?  Yeah, that I can do.  Got invited to a parade today.  Almost went too, then panicked.  I'm not ready for that outside world just yet...  Oh, GOOD NEWS:  finally got the ex to back off.  He called after being told NEVER to call again so I kept posting on his facebook until he finally messaged at me to leave him the "F" (not saying the word he used) alone!  YES!!! NOW we're on the same page!  I was hoping he'd start to feel that way because it costs money to change a phone number and he's not worth another dime of mine! (and no, I don't have caller ID).  Okay, *another sigh*, more coffee and then cranking the music and getting at this business of living and evolving (or is it "re-evolving since I'm going back to me and not forward to something else?? point to ponder...)  Until later.....

All is well....

So my son got to Tampa ok and he's settling in.  Now I can relax and quit worrying.  I'm going to go to sleep, but I'm leaving you with some pics of my sons.  Til tomorrow then....

This is Raymond, my oldest

Clayton (on the left) in the USMC

To cry or not to cry...

Well, there he goes...  My son has just pulled away from the curb, on his way to his new adventures in this journey we call "Life".  I am holding back tears because I will miss him, and yet I am anxious to get on with my own living.  I know that God is telling me "Your children are grown, but you are still young."  Tomorrow, I begin the task of getting myself back together.  Tonight, I think I'll look at some pictures of my boys....

An afterthought....

Love to pass along this information to you...  Some great recipes and healthy tips:

http://lacrossefitnessfestival.com/newsletter/Docs/jan_FestFoods.pdf

Hello, It's Me....

It's 2011... and the first day of the beginning of the rest of my life.  My son leaves for his new job today.  I'll be alone, with my thoughts, for the very first time in 22 years.  A little scary, but definitely exciting!  I have thought a lot lately about how things have gone for me for the past ten years.  I don't like it.  I am no longer me.  I have changed to become what others around me want me to be.  And with each change, slowly, I have lost the real me.  I'll bet none of these people know that I love to sew and make quilts, I love to crochet and knit, some of them know that I love to garden...  No, what they know of me is that I party with the best of them, hate mornings, can be really grouchy, and will give generously to a fault.  I'm 5'0" and I weigh 167 lbs.  That is what this lifestyle has done to me.  At my best, I'm (still) 5'0" but I only weigh 105 lbs.  Ok, that was at age 17, but even after having both of my babies, I got back down to 122 lbs. and I WAS HAPPY!  Even weight not withstanding, back then I laughed, cried, smiled, slept, loved and trusted.  Now, I do none of that.  I don't show my emotions to anybody because every time that I have in the past 10 years, somehow they've used it against me or taken advantage of me in one way or another.  So now I rarely go out, I never let anyone in and I don't trust anyone... not even myself.  Why not myself?  Because it was my own bad decision making that got me where I am right now.  So, I plan to take this year and get back to being me!  The person who loves all things nature, and all things creative.  I may even learn how to paint with water-colors and oils this year.  I'm definitely going to visit my old friends...  the ones who I always knew I could trust.  I'm going to get back to my exercising that I used to LOVE... thinking about trying that new Zumba craze (I hear good things about it).  Join me on my journey (we'll take it one step at a time together) ......